


I don't mind

by Breagen



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Blood, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:55:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22725760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Breagen/pseuds/Breagen
Summary: When your last, and frankly, the only reason to live is taken from you, there is nothing more you can do. It hurts a lot, it makes you think about suicide. When Akali's world crumbled, she didn't see another chance for her to prove herself worthy in the eyes of her mother, she saw the only possible way out.
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. As always, in the beginning, I'd like to thank in advance for any comment, read, kudos or any kind of interactions with the text.
> 
> This one I would call my response for an official text of Riot about Akali that was released a few days ago.  
> I would like to know what do you think about original text, and maybe about the response of mine for it :D
> 
> Note: Yes the first two lines are from the original text to point out where the ff begins :)

Akali stood by the doorway, peering into the shadowy interior of the hut, and the master and protégé locked in their embrace.

She could not remember the last time her mother had given her a hug like that. The first thought that came to her mind was to run away, to tear up, and disappear. That thought was quickly discarded by the young girl, it wouldn’t change a thing, in the end, Faey would still be disabled, her mother wouldn’t even notice her. Her life even though was short, was full of disappointment, she’s the failure that her mother couldn’t stand. Akali was young, but not stupid, there was no place for her in the Order, there was no place for her in the world, so there was no point for her to live anymore. The young girl had only one reason to live throughout her whole life, to please her mother, to be worthy of being called her daughter, to be fit to claim the title of Fist of Shadow one day, be she wouldn’t ever be. It’s the hit that took everything that the girl holds dear in an instant. It’s the moment when she finally knew what she needed to do. There was no other way for her to exist, she’d be just a burden to other members of the Order, she needed to die. The decision was made instantly, she tightened her grip on the kunai she’s holding, and entered the room where the master and protégé were having their moment of intimacy. The weapon was hidden behind her back.

“Akali?!” The risen voice of Mayym sounded. “You were told to leave this place, weren’t you?”

“I’m sorry, master Mayym,” Akali responded in a low voice, lowering her head. “I came to apologize before I’m gone.”

“There is nothing you can do, foolish child,” Faey cried out, her facial expression curved with a grimace caused by the pain. “It’s all your fault, and nothing that you can say wouldn’t change it, you’re the reason why I’m a failure like you now.” The older girl spat venomously.

“I know.” The raven-haired girl responded. “It’s the reason I came here, I want to end it.”

“Care to explain, what are you talking about, acolyte?” The master growled.

“I came here to say my final apologize before I’m gone, no more mistake, no more failures.”

“How would you accomplish it?” The short-haired girl mocked. “The only way is for you not to exist anymore. Otherwise, you’ll always be the failure, you’ll always be the problem.”

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do,” Akali replied sadly, presenting the weapon to both women.

“You don’t have guts to do so, leave us, child. You’ll never grow up.” The protégé spat.

“You’re right. I’ll never be good enough for my mother. I’ll never be good enough for her to notice me, so I choose death to prevent her from the embarrassments that I might cause in the future. For me, there is no future.”

“I’d love to see you fulfill your words, or you’re too afraid to do so?”

“Akali?! What is the meaning of your behavior, you have caused enough problems for a single day.” Her mother snapped at her.

“Master Mayym, forgive me, I won’t be ever a problem again,” Akali cried, pushing the kunai into her flesh.

It cut through the skin, muscles, and fat without an effort, the girl felt instantly immense pain, but she didn’t scream. Her face was covered in tears that were running down her cheeks, she still didn’t avert her gaze from the woman she used to call mother, even as the blade was running down her chest into the stomach. The blood was everywhere, the little girl started to feel the effect of the sudden loss of it, but it didn’t matter. Mayym didn’t even move from the place where she’s sitting, her eyes were widened, showing the pure shock.

“You’re calling it ending with yourself?” The disabled girl mocked. “You better try more, cause there is still the possibility that you’ll survive.”

“I’m sorry,” Akali breathed out slowly. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t be a better daughter, but there is no chance to change it. Goodbye, mother.” The raven-haired girl whispered as she sliced through her throat, silencing herself forever.

It didn’t take long for her to lose her sight, she felt so weak, she’s in so much pain, but it didn’t matter now. It’s the end, the only thing that she ever succeeded in her life, her own death. Soon enough, she fell onto her knees then onto her face. Even before reaching the cold floor, her heart gave up and went silent. The daughter of Mayym, the reckless problem of the Order, the not-meant future Fist of Shadow died before her body collapsed onto the stone.

The silence fell upon the room in an instant, neither of the women knew what to do, what to say. Mayym was at a loss of words, never has she foreseen that the child born from her own blood would commit suicide. She should be broken, but somehow she couldn’t muster any feelings at the given moment. She’s the failure, the real one, her own child killed herself using the only souvenir that she had after her father, the woman let her own daughter kill herself in front of her eyes, and she couldn’t move.

When the Shen came into the room, he screamed and started to shout. The Fist of Shadow couldn’t tell for sure if the anger was directed toward her or not. She still couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe.

“What have I done?” The lone question was asked into the silence of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She had nightmares every single night since the incident that took place years ago. She felt exhausted, she needed to end it. She needed those nightmares to stop. Akali must face her demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought that I would be a one-shot but in the end, I thought that it'd be nice to write something more about that.  
> Here's the second and this time last chapter of the story :)

It was so damn long since she visited that place the last time. The ruined temple that has been serving the Kinkou Order as its HQ since Akali’s childhood. The rage that was still inside of her was flared up by a mare look at that pile of rocks that she used to call home. With hands tightened into fists, she was watching as the guards were moving from one outpost to another. They weren’t her target, people who needed to die today were on the roof level of the temple. The assassin took a deep breath before she pulled her mask back onto its rightful place. The young woman was spectating the whole area for a couple of more moments. When the plan of the temple and the surrounding grounds were printed inside of her mind, she knew that it was high time to act.

It was a warm summer day. The Sun was at its highest point on the skies, or it was what Akali thought. It was near midday, the time of dinner was near. The movements inside of the Order’s camp only proved her thought. Many soldiers of the Kinkou were gathering around the central part of the encampment. The colossal cauldron was placed there, a few smaller acolytes were working around it. “It’s your chance,” Akali said to herself.

The members of the Order just started to obtain their rations of food. It was the moment Rogue chose to pass through the shadows of the forest. She closed the gap between herself and the walls of the temple. For her, it seemed like the child-play. It was just a matter of seconds before the rogue ninja started her climb. She remembered the path all too well. In her childhood, she had spent a lot of time climbing onto the tall objects, orientation points. It had been the only time she truly felt happy. She could have felt like an average child back then, not a born assassin. The rest of her childhood had been filled with training, tries to satisfy her masters. All had been futile. No matter what she had done, it hadn’t had any meaning. She had been just a failure in the eyes of the masters of the Order. To be honest, she hadn’t really cared about the opinion of most, but she had failed the one that she had always wanted to impress. She had failed her mother, her mentor.

Akali cursed silently under her nose. “You’re still weak after such a long time, aren’t you?” She asked herself. The answer wasn’t really needed, she knew that deep inside, in fact, she was. It still hurt her to this day, she couldn’t get the memories of those days out of her head. “Today is the day it ends,” Rogue promised. Based on the quality of the stone surface she was climbing upon, she could say that the temple had been renovated at least slightly. Akali remembered that the stones had been shattered, broken the last time she climbed there.

A relatively short time later, she was on the top of the tower. She looked around like she had used to during her childhood. She must admit, the view was as stunning as she remembered. The scenery stretched for many miles, reaching the vast mountain massifs that were dividing the area like the sharp knife was splitting a cake. The encampment of the Order was surrounded from three sides by an ancient and majestic forest. The path to the west was leading into the shattered cliffs, and then to the sea. From time to time, the soft breeze of the sea could be felt there. Today was such a day. The assassin allowed herself to relax just for a couple of additional moments to cherish what good she remembered from her youth. She would have paid with everything she obtained through the years to have a chance to change the past, but sadly she couldn’t. The past already happened, and all she could do was to live with it buried deep inside of her. With a heavy sigh, Rogue averted her red-blood-eyes from the majestic view and headed to the trapdoor. Without much effort, the woman lifted the piece of wood and entered the temple.

Inside of the construction, the twilight ruled. It wasn’t much of an issue to the assassin. In fact, Akali was able to see in complete darkness. The raven-haired woman made sure that none of her steps made any sound at all. After all, her target was probably as skilled as her. Who would she wanted to fool, her target had much more experience than her, the only way she had a chance to kill her, was to surprise her. Even after years, Rogue remembered the plan of the building by heart. She was confident that she could move there with her eyes shut-closed.

The assassin was proceeding very slowly, making sure to pay attention to everything. The HQ of the Kinkou Order wasn’t the place where everyone could move freely. According to her calculation, she had only a couple of more minutes before the soldiers would end their meal. She needed to be done before that. Soon enough, she reached the largest hall in the building. It was probably the least damaged place in the whole construction. The marble-white floor was nearly intact, still reflecting everything. On each side of the room, the row of columns could be spotted. All of them were bearing the marks of using the weapons. All of them were shattered to some extent. A single, small, wooden table was placed in the middle of the hall. On the two simple chairs, her targets were sitting. The hot strew was still evaporating, drifting the soft, white cloud to the ceiling. Akali hid behind the railing that was located on the second level of the hall. From there, she could easily watch the two sitting women, planning her next action.

Faey seemed to get her legs back, her wounds were healed. She was a tiny taller than she remembered her but not an ounce more feminine. Her childhood friend was still flat, not a single curves appeared on her body throughout all those years. In the hands-reach of the archer, her bow was playing with a single arrow prepared. In front of her Akali’s demon, horror was sitting. The raven-haired woman could look at her mother with ease. Mayym seemed the same as she remembered her. In fact, Akali was the resemblance of her mother, the real Fist of Shadow. The older woman was clothed in a long, black dress, but Rogue knew better than to believe that the woman was harmless. The assassin couldn’t tell for sure where the weapons of her past mentor were hidden, but it didn’t matter now. It was the time she has been waiting for a really long time. It would be the moment when all of the nightmares would die with the people responsible for causing them. The raven-haired waited for another minute or so before she gave up with the planning. The moment later, she jumped over the railing. The assassin fell swiftly over the marble floor. The sound she allowed to arise, alerted the sitting women. They got up quickly, reaching for their weapons. The unbelief was printed on the face of the next-in-line Fist of Shadow. The emotion was swiftly replaced with hatred. The ex-friedn drew her bow and released the first arrow in an eyeblink.

The projectile was dodge by the assassin with great grace. The next one got split in half before it could even reach its target. The fight between the apprentice and Rogue began. It was a really awkward skirmish. Faey tried her best to kill the masked assassin, but all of her efforts were futile. All of her arrows were dodged or destroyed without even breaking a sweat from the blood-eyed woman. Akali didn’t even try to close the distance, she was just toying with a helpless woman, showing her place in the line. After a few moments, the fight started to bore Rogue. She decided to end it quickly. She threw a small object onto the ground that exploded, creating the small circle area covered by the smoke. Before the next-in-line Fist of Showd could even respond, the assassin threw herself at the archer. In a heartbeat, the distance between them vanished, leaving the woman defenseless against Akali’s blades. It was the moment Mayym decided to enter the fight.

“Stop it.” She rose her voice.

“Let me remind you, mother, I don’t take orders from you, not anymore.” The younger woman replied.

“After everything I have done for you?” The master asked. “Faey put your weapon down, you aren’t the match for her.”

“As you wish, master.” The apprentice responded.

“You gave me nothing, you only hurt me,” Rogue replied with her teeth gritted.

“I’ve made you an excellent assassin. I spent my time teaching you.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You must be thinking that the time when you ordered me to do something was your way of teaching. When I was busy with a given task, you spent all your time with her, mentoring her, focusing solely on her,” Akali growled, pointing on her ex-friend.

“You’re insolence!” The Fist of Shadow rose her voice. “I’ve sacrificed everything for you to be…”

“Shut up!” The raven-haired assassin shouted. “I wasn’t meant to be your successor, she was. If the incident didn’t occur, you’d still care about her more than about me, your own daughter.”

“You’re impossible!” Faey shouted.

“Shut the fuck up! We don’t even talk with you.”

“She’d be a better Fist of Shadow than you’d ever be,” Mayym stated. “You might be stronger, faster, but you don’t have what it takes to be my successor. You had to fill her place, but you still abandoned us, choosing the other path. You’ve wasted our time.”

“You aren’t a mother to me, master. You’ve never been,” Rogue whispered.

“Why are you here, then?”

“To kill you.”

“You think you’ll be able to do so?”

“It doesn’t matter if I die in the process. I want my nightmares to stop, and they won’t as long as you two drow breath.”

“You can’t be serious. I’m your mother, I’m your leader.”

“You’re nothing more just a dead body to me,” Akali said, lowering her mask.

“What have you done?” The matron shouted.

“You’re referring to my eyes? Nothing serious, I just pledge myself to a demon, let her reside inside of my flesh.”

“Why?”

“Do you remember the night the incident happened?” The raven-haired assassin asked.

“Of course, I remembered it. I nearly lost my protégé.”

“That’s precisely the reason. You didn’t care about me. If I died that day, nothing would change for you. You’d probably be happy cause your precious apprentice would be intact. I heard you, I eavesdropped your conversation. If I was a bit more courageous, I’d take my life away before your eyes. Precisely the same way, I see it every night. Instead of suicide, I ran into the forest. My face was covered in tears. I met her there, I met my demoness there. She calmed me down, she took care of me, whispering the promises of a great life that was to come. I believed her, I followed her orders. When the time was right, she decided to be part of me forever. The day I left the Order was a day of our reunion.” The youngest of women told.

“You’ve wasted our time, our effort. You abandoned us.” Faey growled.

“My child, what have you done?”

“I’m not your child, I’ve never been the one to you. Say it to her, cause she’s about to die. Once I end her life, you’re next,” Akali whispered.

“Stop that madness already, you’re of my blood. I haven’t treated you right, but it doesn’t change a thing, you’re my daughter.”

“You should have thought about that years ago.”

“Akali, please. We can fix it.”

“Is it the fear I see in your eyes? Do you fear me?”

“You wouldn’t fear anyone.” The apprentice spoke.

“Wouldn’t I? I’ve already beaten you, I can do it again.”

“Akali, stop it. No-one has to die today,” Mayym said.

“You know that part of that spirit that took away her legs still lives inside of her?” Rogue asked with a mischievous smile.

“What?” Both women gasped.

“Soon, it’ll take control over that body. It’ll try to kill you, master.”

“It’s a lie!” Faey cried out. “Master, don’t believe a single word of hers.”

“How do you know?”

“Let me show you,” Akali replied, exposing her sharp fangs.

Without warning, she threw herself at the archer. The archer wouldn’t be able to dodge the attack, it was just too fast. Surprisingly the strike didn’t reach its target. It was halted a few inches away from the skin of the apprentice.

“Do you believe me now?”

“Yes,” Mayym replied slowly.

The whole frame of the archer was surrounded by the spiritual energy that was of a grey color. The magical barrier that was around the younger woman was exactly the same sort of the spirit that made her student disabled. It answered a lot of questions out of a sudden. The Fist of Shadow didn’t know how her protégé’s legs were healed, how they were restored. It explained why the woman suddenly was capable of wielding magical powers, casting spells. Overall, when Faey was healed, her skills grew rapidly, it wasn’t normal. The older woman didn’t notice it, she was just too happy to see her protégé walking again. She missed it, she missed the crucial element.

“Faey, you know what it means?” The leader of the Kinkou Order asked in a low voice.

“Master, I’m fine. I can control it, I swear. I don’t die. Don’t believe her.” The apprentice was mumbling desperately.

“I’m sorry. Do what you must, my daughter.” The Fist of Shadow whimpered with tears in her eyes.

“I’m not your daughter, but I’ll finish it.”

In a matter of a few seconds, the hall was filled with screams of Faey. Mayym turned back, she couldn’t watch it, she wasn't ready for that. It wasn’t really a fight between Akali and the apprentice, it was just extermination. The older woman tried her best to stay out of the reach of the assassin, but she failed. It took maybe a couple of minutes, but in the end, the room was silent again. The once disabled girl was dead. When the master of the Order looked at her lifeless body, something inside of her broke. The mighty leader of Kinkou fell on her knees, covering her face with hands. She heard the footsteps behind her. She knew it was Akali, she didn’t need to even check.

“She is no more,” Akali spoke.

“I know,” Mayym replied with hurt in her voice.

“You’re going to weep after her, aren’t you?”

“I think I’ll.”

“Rise, I’m not going to kill the one without a weapon.”

“You really want to kill me?” She asked shyly.

“You aren’t the mother for me. I don’t think anything can change that.”

“I won’t fight you, my child.” The leader replied. “You’re the only one who left for me.”

“You’d always choose her over me,” Rogue replied sadly.

“She had no-one.” The Fist of Shadow said.

“So did I. Why did you make my life a living hell?”

“I think that it was the image of your father that I saw in you. Because of you, I couldn’t forget about him. I love my husband. When I lost him, I started to avoid you, cause I couldn’t look at your eyes. Every time I did, I saw your father instead of you, and I was reminded how much I lost.”

“And because of that, you made me lose both parents,” Akali whispered.

“I know, Akali. I knew you’d be strong enough to deal with it. I hope you’d be, but it seems that I was mistaken.” The older woman admitted.

“You were. What does it leave us with?”

“I don’t know. I’d want you back in my life, but I don’t think I deserve it.”

“It doesn’t answer the question.”

“I know, if I can be blunt, I want you back. I want my baby girl back. I’ll try to repay you for everything I’ve done so far.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to forgive you, at least not now,” Rogue confessed.

“It’s okay, baby. I’ll wait for you, I’ve wasted enough time already. And if one day you decide that you want to kill me, I won’t stop you.”

“I see. I’ll be on my way, then.” The daughter responded.

“Please, let me embrace you, at least once.” The mother whispered with eyes filled with tears, as she stopped the younger woman.

“Okay,” Akali breathed out.

The older woman pulled the assassin, forcing her to sit on her lap. As soon as she managed to achieve that, Mayym embraced her daughter with all the strengths she could muster. It was something that she was missing throughout all of these years. The feeling of the warmth radiating from her daughter’s strong, feminine form was calming. The leader of the Order hid her face in the crock of the neck of Akali. She felt like in a home, the first time in a really long time. The same could be said about Rogue. As much as she didn’t want her mother to hug her a few moments later, something changed. As soon as she felt her mother’s warmth, she felt like the small child again. She was shielded from the outer world by the strength of The Fist of Shadow, her protector, her mother. Somehow, she didn’t want to let go, she didn’t want to break the embrace, even though recently she tried to kill the older woman. Fate’s sense of humor was apparently tough to describe. It decided that the shattered family would be reunited near a corpse of the woman, who separated them in the first place.

“I must go,” Akali whispered after some time.

“I know, be safe, my daughter.” The mother replied softly.

“I’ll come back someday.” The assassin promised.

“I’m more than certain about that. I’ll be waiting for that day to come.”

“Goodbye, mother.”

“Goodbye, Akali,” Mayym replied with all love she could muster.

When the raven-haired daughter left the hall, the master rose. She had a lot of things to do. The first one that she needed to do was to bury her protégé with all the honors she deserves.

Soon enough, Rogue was running through the forest. She could feel the wind in her face. Akali was happy, happy to the extent the woman hasn’t been in a really long time. She stopped as soon as she felt the change in the magical shield that was surrounding her.

“Hey, Eve!” She greeted the demoness that was sitting on the nearest branch of the tree.

“Hey, beautiful. Ready for a ride?”

“You don’t have to ask twice,” Rogue replied with a broad smile, closing the distance between them.


End file.
